Overcoming Jealousy – Green Eyed But Deadly
There is basically one reason for jealousy: insecurity. We are unsure if our lover really loves us as much as we love them. We sometimes don’t feel like we’re good enough for them so we are very quick to assume that they feel the same way.
Once you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not good enough for your partner and that they must feel that way too, it’s very easy to convince yourself that every person you see your partner talk to is a threat to your relationship and you will eventually lose your love.
This can become such a vicious downward spiral that you can make it a self fulfilling prophecy. Think of it like this: if you feel like you love your partner more than they love you (or that they are too good for you and you really don’t deserve them) it’s only a matter of time before those thoughts are going to start affecting the way you act.
At some point you’re going to get suspicious every time they go somewhere. You’re going to start to convince yourself that they are seeing someone else. Eventually you’ll start making accusations and at some point they are going to get sick of your freakish behavior and they will leave. Then you can say to yourself “I knew it”. The sad thing is that you created the whole situation because of your insecurity.
So, what can you do? How can you make sure that your insecurity doesn’t ruin a great relationship because of unfounded jealousy? Well, the first thing would be to own up to your own B.S. Try to find the source of your insecurity. Were you cheated on in the past? Does it go deeper than that?
To really get to the root of the problem, and change your way of thinking permanently, you may want to get some counseling. Until you can really believe that you are worthy of being loved you will sabotage your relationship and / or chose the wrong person to get involved with in the first place.
I have a friend who is a prime example of that. She is very insecure (she was in a very abusive relationship for many years) so she doesn’t think she’s worthy of love. She met a man who is a total loser and alcoholic. She is so insecure that she is actually very jealous that this guy (he’s ugly too) will find another woman and leave her.
The sad thing is, she’s a real prize. She’s kind, honest and attractive but because of her insecurity she allows this jerk to mess with her emotions and play games. He does those things because he is insecure too and it makes him feel like a big man to make her jealous. Talk about a vicious cycle!
For most people, overcoming jealousy will start with overcoming their own insecurities. Once you feel confidant that you deserve to be loved and that the person you are with is lucky to have you, you won’t fly off the handle every time they talk to someone else.